What is Sorostitutes?
1.
slutty girls that belong to social sororities
"I'm not going to go out with any of those sorostitutes!"
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2.
1. The Classy Fratty Girl- This girl can be seen on campus, at the bar, at a party, at her house lounging, or any other conceivable location wearing jeans, either a hot, pastel two-button polo or a long sleeve Oxford (every girl should own at least two of these), either of which proudly displaying the Horse. She is not afraid to sport the Sperry Top-Siders (total frat move), rainbows, or Newbies without exception. The difference between this girl and the girl you see wearing the one polo that she owns is that this girl does it on a regular basis, as a way of life, and does it well. She has been sporting the Horse since grade school, and though she wears other shirts like every other girl does, the polos always stick out in your mind. She is polite, well spoken, and she knows etiquette backwards and forwards (though she loses a little bit with each drink she consumes). This girl is everything a sorostitute should be and more.
2. The Hot Fratty Girl- This girl is good looking, and she knows it, but she'll never let on that she is. She can be found Thursday-Saturday at the local bars (but not as much during the week) always wearing the expensive dark blue jeans that are all the rage, the pointy-toes (in every color of the rainbow) and a very dressy shirt (i.e., black with a pink ribbon around the bottom, that she never seems to have worn before). This girl is the new-age fratter. She is wearing what is going to be in style next month, and then not wearing something better when it is. She is often un-attainable by the cool fratties, but somehow gets mixed up with a douche bag bottom feeder. No one knows why, but it is the way of the world. They break up junior year, and she suddenly realizes the times she has wasted and then hooks up with several true fratdads in a month’s time.
3. The Parties-Non-Stop Fratty Girl- This girl is easily noticeable on campus, as she is either wearing a frat-T from the boy she shacked with, or she’s wearing last-night’s attire in her trek across campus. When she does manage to stroll into class (usually 15 minutes late), she has changed her shirt (not her jeans) to a sorority date party t-shirt from last year, and her pointy-toes to rainbows, but nevertheless, she is very much a target of ridicule: her hair is a mess, and she hasn’t showered, as you can tell from the smoke-smell radiating from her 5 rows in front of you in Political Science. She knows what everyone is thinking, but she doesn’t care, because she knows she had a much better time last night (Tuesday) than anyone else in the class did (including the gel-head C-list fratters in the back that thought it would be cool to have a “Pajama Party” last night). This girl is the one you bring home to Mom, and Mom tells you to throw her back and keep fishing- thus, she’s perfect for a frat girlfriend.
Items Every Sororstitute Should Own:
Dressy Jeans- A-Pockets are a must, but comparable brands help to increase and diversify wardrobe.
Normal Jeans- Each girl has her own brand that she is partial to…cheaper than the Sevens, but as good looking/fitting as you could find in the countless hours you have spent trying on different makes and models.
Linen Pants- It doesn’t get much hotter than a good looking sorostitute in a pair of white linen pants in the summer time. Traditional Easter-Labor Day rules apply (goes without saying).
Killer Black Pants- You know the pair we are talking about. The pair that took you 6 months to find but makes your ass look so good you didn’t mind paying the $185 for them (See also: jeans).
Pastel Polos- Any time you can get away with a t-shirt, try a polo instead. Varying shades, but pink is a must for every young lady.
Button-Down Oxford- Many girls over-look this, or think it’s too “boyish”- don’t be that girl. There’s something about girls in a shirt that their guy could be wearing…
Cocktail Dress- Two black, one red are the minimum requirements here ladies.
White Skirts- Came into style about 3 or 4 years ago in the frilly/lacey versions. May have lost some popularity, but are still a classic fratty choice. Think tennis-playing country club mom.
Ribbon Belts- These fratty belts are in completely in fashion, for women even more so than men.
Rainbows- You should live in these. If you have one pair, you might as well have 3.
Top-Siders- Not every fratty owns these, but she should. A little scary for some girls to pull off, but try it- you might like it.
Tennis Shoes- Asics or New Balance are a good choice, I have seen some sorostitutes pull of the Nike Shox, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
Pearls and Diamonds- Diamonds in the ears, pearls around the neck...classic.
Aviators- While somewhat declining among the cutting-edge male fratters, after being stolen from us by Ashton Kutcher and the rest of Hollywood, these have begun to pick up among the female crowd. Wear at night; bar or frat party.
Koozies- They may seem like party accessories, but they are actually part of your attire. Never leave the house without a good koozie. Have five in your car. I cannot stress this enough.
What Not To Wear
Ugz Boots- These are not fratty. Why do you insist on wearing them? Gentlemen, if a girl is wearing these, she isn’t as cool as you might have thought she was.
Third-Tier Frat-T- Use the 1 step rule here: never take more than one step down from the top of the frat pyramid. It might be your favorite shirt, but wear it around the house; not in public. I know you feel bad, but don’t; according to them, they are first-tier.
Too Much Jewelry- Remember your rules of class ladies, less is more when it comes to this. Earrings, a necklace (preferably something thinner), a watch and a ring or two is about the limit. Of course, exceptions always occur, but this should be a pretty definitive guideline.
Miami University girls are extremely being sorostitutes.
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