What is Sousaphone?
1.
The sexiest instrument in the entire world, next to the tuba. These instruments are so studly that anyone that plays one is instanty recognized as a god, stud, or downright playa.
"Wow, like, did you see Tuba when he was playing that new sousaphone? I thought I was going to pass out from sheer lust."
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2.
A sousaphone is commonly referred to as a
Warning: Use of a sousaphone without proper training can result in the injury of the player or those around him.
Warning: Sousaphones are not to be used during lightning storms.
Sousaphones are difficult to transport on buses and in cars.
3.
40 pounds of ultimate hotness. Those who are not seksi enough have to settle for playing a less hot instrument like the euphonium or trumpet. Those who are least gifted have to be demoted to the woodwind section, or even the drum line!
It will often cause you back problems, but who cares when you get all of the chicks! (Or guys for those less effeminate female sousa players.)
n00b: "Why is that guy's sousaphone white?"
Me: "Its because nobody likes him. Oh, and because even though he is 30 or so, he cant lift a brass sousa, so he has to carry white trash. He probably was a trumpet player"
Stupid people who dont think: "Isnt that heavy?"
Me: "uh, no, see how seksi I am?"
them: "oh, I forgot!"
Stupid people again: "Why dont they make pads for sousaphones?"
Me: "They do."
other brass: "Why did you pick the sousaphone? its so heavy!"
Me: "You dont choose to play sousaphone, it chooses you. Either that or the director forces you to since nobody wants to until they have."
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4.
A portable tuba often used in marching bands.
Dude what is that giant thing.
Its a sousaphone. Its like a tuba only cooler, because its portable!
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