What is Spide?
1.
Native to Belfast, but variations are found throughout the UK under different guises. (e.g, Glasgow/Edinburgh - Neds, Liverpool - Scallies) Spides have a general dress code. This consists of a tracksuit, baseball cap and brilliant white trainors. This uniform is often complimented with a few sovereign rings and the biggest necklace they can afford. A spide can often be found in estates or on some occasions in public. It is when they enter into civilisation that a spide is at it's most dangerous, often hunting in packs for people they don't like the look off. These groups include rival spide groupings, students, 'hippies', ethnic minorities and the elderly. It is advisable to avoid spides as they can get quite aggressive when confronted with reason. In their native habitat of the 'estate', spides like nothing better than drinking 'carry-outs' and fertilising millies. Often cheat the benefits system
The dole office was full of spides many of whom had little tashes. Janty was there too.
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2.
spides...a plague upon man. Native to "norn iron" (n.ireland), they speak a corrupted form of english. Kitted out in garish shellsuits, huge medallions and baseball caps, these skinheaded monstrosities venture from their estates in packs to descend upon civilisation, ready to "bate thaw sheet outta wenkers." Intoxicated by a mixture of "wheet 'lightnin" cider and trance anthems, they hit dangerous speeds in their souped-up red corsas before comitting minor crimes. They speak a language incomprehensible to normal humans;for example "e waant a makkie dees burger wi' nay shay" or,in english; "i want a macdonalds burger with no relish please." It is paradigmatic of all steeks to have mindlessly violent sectarian opinions; the troubles in n. Ireland were caused by spides, and their estates are daubed with paramilitary propaganda such as "red hand commandos" or "up the provos".English hip-hop hoods think they are tough, but where i'm from, the spides eat Ali G wannabes for breakfast and wash it down with a pint of gravel. beware.
an archetypal spide's day consists of;
1. Get up. Swear.
2. breakfast; beans in a cup+ cider.
3. Don't go to work/school. Hang out "with tha lads"
4. watch the footy.
5. Evening at last. Gather your posse and find a student/fruit/hippie/o.a.p and "bate tha fock" out of them
6. One the crime spree is over, get in souped up corsa , turn on dance music and spit out the window.
7. go home.
3.
Another way of describing the scummy bastards who hang around the street corners of belfast with plastic bags full of glue up their sleeves. They would steal the teeth from your head to fuel their sad little existences. Dresscode = tracksuits, sovereigns + piss-stains. One of gods worst creations after cancer.
Look at that spidey bastard in his suped up shitmobile. Just because it makes alot of noise, has no fear stickers, neon lights and alloys doesn't mean its a car. And by the way, stop throwing fireworks you annoying little cunt.
4.
Groups of males (if you could even call them that - fucking pussy bastards) that hang in packs ( very similar to animals) that have the same dresscode and general appearance. This consists of the latest sportswear (track bottoms, football tops and of course their glorious 'nike air max'). They wear the biggest coin rings they can find (Im surprised they havent painted hubcabs gold yet and wear them on their hands). They have very badly shaven heads and barcodes on their upper lip.
Usually a smick/spide is called the likes of "Janty", "Aidso", "Anto", "Fra", "Cricky", "Dermy" or you can take their surname and fuck it around too, just to make them be "sweet as".
In their native Belfastian dialogue, the word 'Like' will follow nearly every second word or at the end of a sentence.
Hobbies and interests include "Fockin' der bitches" (millies), "Spinnin' tha wheeels" (of their bmx cos they cant score a corsa off their ma). "Havin' a swall" is another past time where they pluck up the courage to venture into off liscences to buy "Shum doubelya kay dee bloo like" but if they get "knacked back like" (for looking like complete twats) they ask other members of the public to cooperate with them in their hour of need. If you dont you'll "get yer baallix knacked in like"
Spides are generally slow witted, are morons and leech off the government and their "ma's" until they are in their late twenties.
Arch Enemies to the local spide communties would be the "huppies" because they are different. "Huppies listen to rock music and wear band tops (which can be quite annoying seeing most of them havent a clue about the band and have only heard one song and by the way KORN ARE SHITE, METALLICA RULE), spides listen to trance music or "beatz" as they call it and make the pilgrimmage to "Godskitchin like" twice a year to pop a couple of E's and listen to their fav musicians, (like dj-ing really involves talent...yeah right)
Spides will steal anything and everything, including their mothers own tv just to get money "fer swall" or "drugz" because they are the scum of the earth and another thing ALL HOODS SHOULD BE SHOT - FUCKING MAGGOT CUNT BASTARDS
Kevin: I dont like the look of that lot
Mark: Aye, those spidey bastards would steal the shoes from your feet if you were sitting down
Kevin: Scumbag government leeching cunts
5.
A northern irish
Name comes from the spider tattoos worn by working class men (& women), ex-cons etc. Originally called spider men shorten to spide.
Spides go out with
look at the hack of those spides in their bad tracksuits and knocked off trainers, and wanky baseball hats!
6.
Appearance:
-shaven head, yet still smeared with excessive amounts of cheap hair gel which should be used to 'glue' each individual strand of the 'fringe' to the forehead. tips of hair should also be bleached.
-greasy, dirty skin, acne, wax ridden ears and unwiped nostrils. the spides standing (chance of pulling a millie) is increased if they posses a broken nose/ hideous scars.
-having as much facial hair as possible for a 13 year old, this is known as the 'bar code tash' (fluffy hair on upper lip).
Attire:
-baseball cap worn at 45 degree angle
-white jumper with hood,
-either white/blue tracksuit bottoms or cheap jeans with bottoms turned up
-florescent trainers or 'cat boots'
-thickest, goldest and cheapest rings, ear rings and necklaces.
Education:
-none
Transport:
-Anything they can steal
-a vauxhall nova/corsa, 'souped up da fuck'
occupation:
-steal
-drugs
-paramilitary work
-'stroke' from the government
oh shite we're about to get the shit kicked out of us by those spides
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7.
"It is advisable to avoid spides as they can get quite aggressive when confronted with reason. " never have truer words been spoken. what they also should have said is "millies fuck anything with a pulse and an adidas watch".
millies are the female spide. spides are like the chavs in Northern ireland. utterly pathetic, travelling in large groups to make sure they dont get "bate" usually living life on the dole, and the worst part, picking fights with random people for no other reason than you are there. Racist,sectarian,pathetic... the scum of the Earth and the bottom of the barrel in the evolutionary ladder.
spides make sure they say "fock" and "leek" in every sentence.
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