What is Stafford?
1.
Stafford is the county town of Staffordshire, situated between Wolverhampton and Stoke-on-Trent in the West Midlands.
It was originally a market town based on the industry of shoe-making, and contains some of Britain's most interesting landmarks, such as: Victoria Park, the Elizabethan Ancient High House and the Shire Hall Art and Exhibition Gallery.
Stafford first became (in)famous during the 2001 census, where it finally topped Brighton as housing the UK's largest homosexual-population. The wider borough of Stafford has a population of ~124,531- approximately 87% of which are open homosexuals, 10% are "just fans" of the Paul'O'Grady Show, and the remaining 3% inconclusive/ bisexual.
Stafford is also home to a wide variety of educational institutions, boasting over 17 primary schools, 7 high schools, and various other tertiary facilities. Most of these facilities teach homosexuality-lessons (cleverly disguised as drama and PE), keeping to the society's very open, welcoming and understanding nature towards gays, with their slogan: 'If it ain't gay, don't fix it!'
The 'Staffordshire Knot' is used as the town's symbol, derived from a sexual position/ act of forplay intended for gay men- conceived locally over 100 years ago.
Man: Hey what the f*** are you doing, stop touching me there!
Staffordian: Don't worry, sir. I'm from Stafford.
Man: Oh, in that case, please be my guest and partake in gay sex with me.
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2.
A euphemism for an extremely large and impressive penis or a person who has an impressive package.
john: "Why is she dating him?"
tim: "haven't you heard? He's got a huge stafford."
or
Tim: My sister told me you two had a good date last night.
John: Yeah but she called me stafford in the morning.
or
John: I think I pulled my stafford last night
Tim: Sounds like you and the lady need to have a talk
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3.
Rotting flesh found in the anus of a lepper.
That dude's mouth smelled like a Stafford.
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