What is Stassis?
1.
stassis
sta⋅ssis stoh-siez
-noun
A mole, particularly one of the many that rested on Aristotle Onassis' face, back and genital region. An interesting fact regarding stassises is that they were said to be alive - some might even go so far as to say, self-aware! There was much controversy surrounding the handling of Onassis' corpse during the autopsy, due to the suspicion that these dark protrusions,(now known as stassises) possessed an element of life long after his heart had stopped. In a highly reputable, and not-so-easily-debunked study, the esteemed metaphysicist, Tom Cruise, gave reports of faint, yet distinguishable exclamations jetting forward from these tiny moles. They were reported to have spoken in complete sentences, yelping such ridiculous claims as, "we are the the reincarnation of Onassis" or, "I am the resurrection of Aristotle Onassis!"
Tom Cruise pressed a scalpel to one of dozens of stassises on Onassis' cold, decomposing buttock; the one labeled "Chris." The slightest cry issued forward - a squeak - a plea to anyone who would listen: "I am (chriss) stassis, the next Onassis!"
See
