What is Superman Returns?
1.
A great movie that should have made a lot more money and would have if not for that trendoid Pirates movie. It documented the return of Superman after a five year absence. He finds the world has moved on without him, including Lois Lane who now has a 5 year old. (hmmm...)
Great effects, great story and a few genuinely touching moments. Hated on by teenage twits who have no idea what a relationship is, as well as comic loyalists who can't stand to see anything but their own personal version of Superman on the screen. Said loyalists spend most of their time bitching about it on forums such as IMDb, and then cry afterwards while masturbating to their downloaded nude picture of Lois Lane.
As for the general masses going to Pirates instead, it's not a big surprise. Look at pop music, and then imagine it being superimposed onto the big screen. You get POTC: Dead Man's Chest.
Superman Returns is the best movie I've seen all year.
Like, we were gonna see Superman Returns, but like instead we decided to go see Pirates so we can see Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp one more time...they're so hot! OMG, OMG!
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2.
Bryan Singer's attempt to masturbate like a gibbon at the world's greatest superhero. Started off strong, but then fizzled out. Introduced a 5-year-old supertot, despite that being completely against the entirety of the Superman mythos. And had no resemblance to a normal relationship, just awkward stares. Oh, and basically had a one-trick pony of having Superman just lift stuff. A lot. Lame. Also was noted for creating a new alternative energy source, meaning electical cables strapped to Christopher Reeve's rapidly spinning corpse.
Q: What happened to Joe Simon?
A: He bit his own jugular vein after watching Superman Returns. He's in a better place now.
1: Wanna go rent Superman Returns?
2: Wanna lick my dog's balls instead?
1: Sounds like a good alternative.
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3.
A change of a big-budget film's date dramatically such as this film's did when it went from opening everywhere June 28th to opening June 27th even after the trailers have already established the date as the former.
Dude, TRANSFORMERS just pulled a Superman Returns!
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4.
A movie that would have been a lot better if Superman had a villain that he actually fought.
In Superman Returns, there wasn't much fighting at all, just that one scene where he was exposed to the kryptonite and then got the crap beat out of him by Lex Luthor's bodyguards! Hey Kevin Spacey, you lazy fuck, why didn't you fight him yourself, you big pussy?
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5.
Film that came out second best to Pirates 2, but then again...what didn't that Johnny-Depp career furthering project trash? Still, has made 400 million worldwide, despite being quite mediocre. Superman Returns rates a 7 out of 10, due to it's changing certain aspects of the beloved hero. Stalks Lois Lane in a rather unsettling scene, and has a 5 year old son now...which makes no sense. Quite romantic, was hated by morons who like to see things blow up and people get punched. Intellectual super-hero film, for real, unlike X-men than was just another action packed retard-fest for 10 year olds. Also stars Kevin Spacey in a truly frightning performace as psychopath Lex Luthor. Said to have a 260 million dollar budget, most probably 200 million in truth, removing previous failed attempts to re-start franchise. Has a VERY loyal fanbase that will ensure it's future success. One must remember, Gone With The Wind could have gone up against Pirates and lost. All in all a so-so Superman movie. Co-stars Kate Bosworth as the most inept Lois Lane ever. Role should have gone to Claire Danes.Probably make another 100 mill on DVD. Sequel planned. MUST INCLUDE DOOMSDAY!
"Saw Superman Returns to day...it was...good."
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6.
The best movie of 2006. Period. After the disappointing X3 and fangirl powered Pirates of the caribbean 2, Superman Returns is the best movie of the year.
Like, POTC 2 was, like, awesome, cause it has, like, Johnny Depp, and, like, Orlando Bloom in it.
Superman Returns was better.
Like, it didn't have, like, Johnny and Orlando in it!
*gives blank stare*
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