What is Tech Support?
1.
A phone line provided by companies so that they can say that they support their products and services. Their philosophy is that the longer you spend on the phone, and the more menus and people you talk to, the more you feel valued as a customer. On the other line you will find:
1) A person who is proficient in communicating to you how inferior you are to their intellect.
2) A person who lacks the language skills to communicate proficiently, but does their best to make you feel inferior to their intellect.
3) A recorded menu system that somehow manages to communicate your inferiority to its intellect.
"I just spent three hours on tech support. Take the gun out of the shoebox in the closet and shoot me."
2.
the meaningless job that all Devry drop outs get stuck with becuase they are to lazy to graduate college, but just smart enough to piss someone off on the phone and accidently hang up on them because i'm so goddamn pissed off that i just tried to hang myself with my phone cord but i'm such a raging pansy that everytime i get close to blacking out i freak out and just continue on with the call. Tech support reps are the most pent up raging potential violent crimnals in America. I hate my life and i don't give a shit if you can't get on the internet.
Caller:i can't get on the internet
Tech Support: is your computer on.
Caller:uh... is that the big gray box or the small black one?
Tech:(on mute:Kill me now God.) The big one.
Caller:it's supposed to be on?
Tech:(on mute: why do you allow people to live God?)Yes Sir.
Caller: Well give me a minute and i'll turn it on.
Tech:(on mute- You stupid ass hole turn on your goddamn computer before you call, i hate you,your wife,your children even your cat, i hate your cat.) Sure thing Sir take your time.(since i've got all f-ing day.) That's what i'm here for.
Caller: Your such a nice person to be so patient with me.
Tech: Thank you sir.(on mute-i wish death on you. Why? why did i deserve this living hell?)
STOP CALLING ME I HATE ALL OF HUMANITY. That's tech support
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3.
People that live in India, Indians.
"I can't understand a goddamn word that guy from tech support said."
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4.
the people that help with ID "10" T errors
people that are dumb call tech support
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5.
A service offered by companies unable to create products that work consistently and/or at all. Most often available via telephone, this service involves one or more employees asking for all of your information short of your fucking eye color, after which, said one or more employees will offer vague, unhelpful suggestions that can already be found in your appliance's manual. If none of said vague, unhelpful suggestions result in an unlikely success, employees will lamely request you attempt to turn off, and turn back on said appliance, after which said employee will A: Disconnect your call or B: Transfer you to an equally unhelpful department.
Tech support: Hello, this is 1-800-WEREUSELESS, how may we be of assistance to you?
Dave: Hi, I'm phoning because I can't seem to turn my computer on.
Tech support: I'll need some information first, is that okay with you sir?
Dave: Sure, go ahead.
Tech support: Age?
Dave: 43.
Tech support: Name?
Dave: Dave.
Tech support: Account number and password?
Dave: I kind of forget. Where could I find those?
Tech support: Length of your fully erect reproductive organ?
Dave: What?
Tech support: I'm sorry sir, let me transfer you to the Baby Clothing department.
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6.
A modality by which corporations - especially american ones - can figuratively substantiate their marketing claims of providing assistance without actually having to provide any.
> On Thu, July 20, 2006 5:07 pm, Mario R. Sanchez, Ph.D. wrote:
> Raymond J. (10337): Hi, my name is Raymond J. (10337). How may I help you?
> mario: hi
> Raymond J. (10337): Hello.
> Raymond J. (10337): Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions that will help me assist you better.
> mario: if i give you a serial number, can you tell me 1)who it was sold
> to
> originally and/or 2)the history of the product?
> Raymond J. (10337): Can I have your name please?
> mario: mario
> Raymond J. (10337): Thank you Mario.
> Raymond J. (10337): May I have the model and version of your device?
> mario: model wpg54g
> mario: it has no version info
> Raymond J. (10337): How about your phone number with the area code?
> mario: 305-xxx-xxxx
> Raymond J. (10337): Thank you for giving all these information.
> Raymond J. (10337): What is the problem you are experiencing with your
> Linksys product?
> mario: did you read my first question?
> mario: all i want to know is if i give you a model and serial number,
> can
> linksys tell me who originally bought the product?
> Raymond J. (10337): Okay.
> Raymond J. (10337): Mario I'm sorry but I can't.
> mario: who can?
> Raymond J. (10337): Mario where did you get router?
> mario: i am looking to buy it -
> Raymond J. (10337): I see.
> Raymond J. (10337): I suggest you buy it in best buy.
> mario: i am looking to linksys for a simple answer: can ANYONE in
> linksys
> tell me who FIRST purchased a product - if i provide model and serial
> number
> Raymond J. (10337): Okay.
> Raymond J. (10337): The customer.
> mario: what does "the customer" mean?
> Raymond J. (10337): I see.
> Raymond J. (10337): The retailers ordered the product from linksys and
> the consumer purchased it from the feratilers.
> Raymond J. (10337): Retailers I mean.
> mario: lets try this again: WHO DID LINKSYS SELL THE PRODUCT TO
> "INITIALLY"?
> Raymond J. (10337): Linksys is the manufacturer.
> Raymond J. (10337): And the retailers are the distributors.
> mario: can i speak with a supervisor that may be able to understand this
> simple question?
> Raymond J. (10337): Linksys sell there products to the retailers.
> mario: again, can i speak with a supervisor
> Raymond J. (10337): I'm sorry for that.
> mario: again, can i speak with a supervisor
> Raymond J. (10337): Okay.
> mario: again, can i speak with a supervisor
> Raymond J. (10337): I'm sorry but there is no supervisor available at here
> mario: what? do you work alone, and un-supervised?
> Raymond J. (10337): Yes, I can answer that question. What is your phone number and I can help you.
> mario: i already gave you my phone number. all i want to know is to whom did linksys sell a product to
> Raymond J. (10337): Okay. Yes, Linksys sells products.
> mario: now, to WHOM - to what person - to what company - did Linksys sell one particular product to?
> Raymond J. (10337): You can buy one product at best buy.
> mario: is best buy the only company linksys sells products to?
> Raymond J. (10337): I see. When you buy a Linksys its the best buy.
> mario: great, another waste of time tech support ordeal via india.
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7.
interjection
an expression of gratitude, used when someone comes through for you.
note on usage: cannot be used as an adjective
Person 1: "Shit, I forgot my wallet!"
Person 2: "It's cool, it's on me."
Person 1: "Tech support."
Improper use: "It was totally tech support when you came through for me on that kidney transplant."
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