What is The House On Mango Street?
1.
A collection of pointless stories by Sandra Cisneros. Often abbreviated as HOMS, because it is the gayest book in the English language.
Unfortunately, this book has nothing to do with mangos.
Further, there is not a single positive male character in this book, thus clearing explaining why the book is so popular with high school female English teachers everywhere, who teach because they cannot get a husband or boyfriend, and screw thus try (successfully) to have sex with their underage students instead.
The highlight of this book is the chapter Red Clowns, in which the main character is raped by clowns. Yes, this book is so bad that it makes rape funny.
Commonly used as a torture tool by High School English teachers, who often require you to compose your own vignettes. These vignettes generally have no relation to HOMS, and are generally about entirely random topics, such as the rabbit eating flowers outside your window, or what you ate for breakfast this morning (and where it went afterwards).
The best way to break up with someone is to offer them HOMS as a gift, because they will promptly slap you in the face, and beat you down with real mangos.
Mr. T: I pity the fool who has to read The House on Mango Street
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Teacher: Hey class! Guess what we're reading today?
Class: Of Mice and Men?
Teacher: Nope!
Class: YESSSSSS
Class: Animal Farm?
Teacher: Nope!
Class: YAY!
Class: To Kill A Mockingbird?
Teacher: Nope!
Class: Woot!!!
Teacher: We're reading The House on Mango Street!
Class: FUCK!!!! (Two students jump out the window, four panic and run out of the room screaming and wetting themselves, Eight attempt in vain to cut their wrists with pens, pencils, and crayons, and the rest let out a groan so loud, that the entire school winces)
Stupid Child: Does it taste like Mangos?
Teacher: NO. Now I want 19,845 vignettes on my desk by 3 minutes ago.
Class: What are vignettes?
Teacher: Shut up and work, or blow me.
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