What is The Rest Is History?
1.
Something you say when omitting the end of a story because everyone already knows what happened.
7-year-old son: "Daddy, how did you and Mommy meet?"
Dad: "Well, son, it's an interesting story. It was a Friday night back in '01. I had just finished doing some epic kegstands and playing a ridiculous amount of Drink! at Pete's place, and we decided to head over to the Village Tavern to get even more shit-faced and chase some tail. I was determined to get laid that night, so the second I got there I ordered a Jager Bomb then immediately started scanning the bar for the drunkest, easiest piece of ass in the place. There was your mom, dancing drunkenly on the bar in a mini-skirt that looked more like a belt and no underwear. Jackpot! I started chatting her up and within minutes we headed out of the bar and stumbled back to my apartment. Boy did I ever chuck it in her. It was a great time until we finished and I realized the damned condom had broken! Of course the stupid skank wasn't on the pill even though she had slept with half of the town. I found out a month or so later that I had knocked the bitch up! I desperately tried to convince her to get an abortion, but her parents would have none of it. Damned pro-lifers! Well, the rest is history and there you are!"
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