What is The Saslow Rebellion?
1.
A rebellion led by Demitrius Saslow of the Canadian Saslow Clan which states that selflessness, subtlety, and soft voices are to be outlawed in all civil (or uncivil) societies. National holidays include the Saint Sanjurjo Day Parade (in the nude) during which all national media outlets broadcast rereuns of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The rebellion established 75 Chick Fillet franchises throughout the east coast in the course of one week.
If it were not for the Saslow Rebellion, we would not be here.
Our forefathers died for the Saslow Rebellion.
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2.
Upon the 12th day of the rebellion, Saslow stood up from his perch at the corner booth at the local Chick Fillet. He threw his tasty sandwich towards the west facing windows and proclaimed, "We must head in this direction. It is by devine right! We will overtake all provinces and shires, all for the glory of Chick Fillet!"
Subcommander Sanjurjo slowly rose and began to question the leader's orders. This was highly unlike Sanjurjo.
"Flawless leader, it would be a most dangerous undertaking. The military is very strong and our ranks are miniscule in comparison. Me thinks this is a battle that would be better waged in the future."
"Silence, dog-fool!", Saslow boomed, "it is of the highest divine order that we bring religion to the heathens! To not do so would soil the very names of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock! This will not happen on my watch! It will be bloody and much mayonnaise will be spilt upon the land before our duty is done, but we have true grit on our side!"
And so, with a flick of the wrist and a quick mopping of the tile floor (complete with the requisite yellow hazard sign), The Saslow Rebellion headed westward, to overtake the lands and create a homogenous land of Chick Fillet, Star Trek, and excessively loud speech.
All Glory to The Saslow Rebellion!
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