What is Toonces?
1.
The greatest cat of all-time. Toonces, the cat who could drive a car (just not very well), premiered on Saturday Night Live on May 20th, 1989, and was a series semi-regular up until 1993. Known for his appalling driving record, Toonces, in a written document, claims his abominable driving skills are due to a brain injury sustained while working as a stunt man on the Dukes of Hazzard. Accidents include driving cars, trucks, tractors, etcetera off God knows how many cliffs, veering off the Grand Canyon, some catastrophic event involving a mechanical bull, crashing a UFO into the Washington Monument, and who knows what else. Likely in NASCAR today, probably having caused ten times the original season record number of crashes in one race by now.
"See, I told you he could drive!"
"Wow, this is-- TOONCES, LOOK OUT!! AHHHHHHHH!!!"
*Stock footage of a car going over a cliff and crashing violently.*
"I thought you said he could drive."
"Well, I saw him up there fooling around with the steering wheel... I guess I just ASSUMED he could drive."
2.
When you've got absolutely no fucking shot anyway - what the hell? - you may as well let a cat drive your car.
"But she's the hottest girl in school. And you're a pee wee. And have a shitload of acne. And halitosis. And barely weigh 100 pounds soaking wet."
"Yeah - I know it's toonces, but I still need a date to prom anyway."
See
3.
A cat who could drive a car. This is from a Saturday Night Live skit.
Toonces look out!!!
4.
If while drinking with friends someone is not drinking as fast or as much as the rest of the party...instead of calling them a 'pussy' you call them a TOONCES!
Hey Toonces...finish your beer!
See
