What is Townies?
1.
Townies are, to put it simply - Sheep. The follow whatever trends are in fashion, for about 3 weeks, then go onto the next thing, they are very noticeable:
The males wear dodgy cheap tracksuits and sports clothes, usually bought from JJB. They wear baseball caps with the peaks pointing straight up, and they usually have their trouser legs tucked into their socks, perhaps for some sort of primitive enjoyment.
The Female townies wear tops that- well I should say tops, but really they wear a piece of fabric that barely covers their nipples! They can usually be seen showing off to the males by removing their bra without taking their shirts off - which to me seems very pointless.
Townies usually listen to music by slutty women who don't have real talent but wear revealing clothes so the males stay interested and the females take notes on how to dress wrongly. They also listen to music by so-called "gangstaz" - men who would be shot within a second if they actually put one foot in the ghetto. The music is usually about drugs, sex and alcohol, as those seem to be the only things that stimulate the small townie mind.
As far as personality goes, townies are practially the same. They will all tell you that they lost their virginity at the age of 11 or 12 or some other stupid age, when in actual fact they have never seen the opposite sex's genitalia anywhere other than porn and sex-ed videos! They will all sit on street corners, drinking cheap beer that they coaxed the older townies into buying for them, and smoking 10-20 cigarettes a day. These activites make townies think they are really "cool" and probably give them the feeling that they are grown-ups, when in actual fact they are just immature slobs. They will mess around in school, disrupting lessons, etc, which reflects on their school achievements - which are usually nothing but sports-related activities.
If you are not one of them and you approcach a group of townies, don't be alarmed if they shout abuse at you and offer to fight you. The lead townie will shout the most abuse, whilst slowly backing away to hide behind the larger, quieter ones. If this happens, just keep walking - most of the time they will keep shotuing "come on then if you're startin'!" whilst still not coming any closer to you.
Townies naturally don't understand certain groups of people - Nice people, old people, punks, skaters and mainly Grebs
2.
townies have a problem with people who dress different to them, listen to different music or have any other hobbies. they also take the piss out of people of different races or cultures blah blah etc. and are basically complete wastes of time (if you know your kid's gonna be a townie, please, drown him/her at birth.)
they also think they're cool by failing all their schoolwork and talking like dicks .... and then they have a go at kids who're actually smart. Hey townies, they're the ones you'll be packing shopping bags for in the very near future.
Fuck townies - they suck and are sooooo bored that they can't find anything better to do except hang around Alldays. tragic.
3.
A townie is a person whom spends their free time, hanging around outside the local MacDonald’s. The male specimen has a tendency to wear fake Adidas goods, mainly tracksuits. However, they are incapable of running - due to the horrendous daily intake of tobacco.
Both sexes of 'townies', wear fake gold jewellery bought from the market, or stolen from other fellow townies.
The female specimen, usually have bleach blonde hair, with about 2 inches of deep brown hair above. They too sport tracksuits, having words such as 'BABE' and 'PRINCESS' bore upon their chests. The females also spend all their time “hangin wit der
If you do unfortunately see a group of townies, you will see several young children running around, also smoking and trying to thieve off of you. This happens because a townie is very unfamiliar with contraception, and as a result has at least 2 spouses by the time they are 15. They also may carry at least 10 STD's as yet another result of lack of contraception.
It is good to try and avoid these poor excuses for people: if you yourself are not a fellow townie, due to the fact that they resent anybody who can spell at least one word correctly.
They also like to pretend that they are
TOWNIE 1: Oi, bubba - can yo see dose bunch ov freaks bruv?
TOWNIE 2: O yyeeeaaa mate, lets lob sum J20 bottles at dem!!
TOWNIE 1: Dat is a PHAT idea bruv. As a reward, do ya wanna sleep wit me bird 2nite?
TOWNIE 2: Yea mate, shes f*****' fit bruv!
See
4.
People between the ages of 9-19 that wear tracksuits usually purchased for £5 at the local market.The males will wear stripped jumpers that make them look like escaped convicts(which most of them are)these jumpers will be baby blue and navy in colour.Or alternativly will wear hooded tops with the name of several american cities plastered across the front eg.Boston/NYC/Detroit.They will wear white or navy track-suit bottoms with either red or fake burberry socks that were purchased at the local market for £1.50.These socks will be tucked into their tracksuit bottoms.A baseball cap will be worn with the peak verticaly above their heads for no reason what-so-ever.The females will wear similar hooded tops in white/cream/baby blue/baby pink with fake brands of FCUK/Tommy Hilfiguer plastered on the front these tops will also have been purchased at the local market for £5.They will also wear white/navy tracksuit bottoms or invariably tight jeans.Both sex's will where astonishing amounts of tacky soverein rings/clown fob pendants/3inch chains.The females will often be seen pregnant or pushing around a pram with 3/4 other small children following for around the age of 12.These children will usually be called names such as Chantel/Santilla/Tallon/Tyrese.The males will be seen in riot vans/police cars or any other such form of restraint.Both sexes will be seen standing on a street corner with large bottles of cheap cider and they will start a fight with anyone within a 100 mile radius that isnt in their posse/crew/massive(these are their stupid names for their group of friends/incestial family)
Townies will often be heard saying the following
*Orrrr Norr
*Ya Mam
*R U Callin Ma Mam?
*R U Startin Me U?
*Get 'ere u lil twat am gunna lay u out
*Chantel get back ere u u fuckin twat
*Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck (for lack of a better word.)
5.
stupid raggy people who wear blue reebok trouser tucked into white donnay socks,with white fred perry hoodies from market and burberry hats pointing 2 the sun and loadsa fake gold rings and cheap jewelery from argos.
Found sat on benches drinking cider and starting on `normal people` for no reason even though der all faggots.
gareth barker-wears burberry
75% of malton school
6.
All the morons on here like Psycho Bitch don't seem to realise that townies victimise those who don't share their Neanderthal way of life.They always bully metallers because of their musical taste and dress sense. For that person who said that moshers and skaters think they are better:Get your head out of your arse. They don't think they're better, they have just had enough of townie fuckwits picking on them, and so they should be. I can't stand all those stupid words like 'Blud', 'Innit' and 'Blingin'. Talking like some kind of rainforest ape. The girls dress like prostitutes and they act like them, and the males like their customers. They drive shit cars, drink horrible shit cider, flash their dicks at 70 year old women in the hope of pulling, and model themselves on gangsters and pimps (Who are low-life scum so its no surprise). I fucking hate townies and i pray to the gods that they have all been wiped out within the next few years
Yeh Blud, Innit Blud, I bang my 12 year old sister Blud, let me bum a tab off u (fucking wank stain).
7.
adjective: retards who cant afford good clothes so they buy cheap plastic clothes and jewellery. Often seen riding small bikes because they cant afford anything better. Think they are superior because of their lack of intelligence or balls.
Townies can be recognised by their lack of intelligence, monkey like walk, godawful baseball caps and having their tracksuit trousers tucked into their socks like some musketeer
Subtype Micro pikey Midgets who start on people but get beaten up so they threaten to get their monkey cousin on them.
Alex Penrice: A retarded townie with a brain the size of his nonexistent balls. Pre evolution example of the orangutang
Entire Penrice vocab
(only said when asked questions or insulted) Errrmmmm
Batty
Geek
If approached by one dont worry its completely harmless
1.
An individual of extremely little intelligence, and of contrasting aggression. The individual, if male must be small and be within posession of a squeaky voice and have an ego of that of a huge 20 year old body-builder when in reality the owner of the aforesaid ego is as skinny as a twig. Uses highly offensive insults such as 'Ya mam!' or 'skag 'ead', has a distinct ability to pronounce H's or T's, most prominent on the words 'skag 'ead' and 'gutted' respectively. Not a single townie will have a realistic view of themselves and will perceive themselves to be genuine figures of inspiration in 'ardness' and that no-one will dare 'mess wit dem' for fear of being 'shitted up'. A townie's music taste will consist of anything with a repetitive beat and a minimum of vocals hence: "Push me, and then just touch me, so I can get my, satisfaction" from a townies perspective, the less complex and content of lyrics the better, in order to make it more digestable. Dress sense includes a backwards cap, tracksuit bottom, stud or small hoop in one or both ears, tracksuit bottoms (cheap) and hair style must be in perfectly formed 'french crop', vanity is an important aspect in being a townie.
Townie No. 1: 'Ere ya skag'ead, I wanna see dem needlemarks in ya arms ya skag'ead.
Townie No. 2: Yeah, you iz such a skag'ead Phat Rush, you iz wew phat.
Townie No. 3: Phat beats on Fursday!
2.
basically,, the biggest set of fuckers you will EVER find roaming the geen plains of fair england. likes include banging thier hoes, smoking cheap ciggeretes, attacking the small percentage of the population, in vastly unfair numbers that are inntimidated by them. also along with aol, msn messenger have mannaged to completly barstardize the english language by talking what can only be described as "warm diarrhea"
rudeboy 1: im a cunt
me: i couldnt agree more
See
3.
What every scrawney little pussy boy fears.
Kurt Cobain won't save you, mother fucker.
See
