What is Trabuco Hills High School?
1.
Part of the Saddleback Valley Unified School District (SVUSD).
Ruled by unjust forces of darkness that delight in and should be convicted for:
1. Oppressing the masses by means of a demonic propaganda machine known as the
2. Running over hapless people with golf carts when they aren't looking.
3. Forcing hundreds of innocents to write letters to a single Marine that nobody even knows for no fuggin' reason whatsoever.
4. Mangling the English language (It's called a computer, not a confuser, dammit, you weak technologically illiterate fossil.)
5. Saying the Spanish words "papel" and "libros" over 27 times in a row.
6. Insulting the intelligence of the few that have it.
7. Hiding in dark corners throwing AIDS-infected syringes at unsuspecting passersby.
8. Buying shoddy Macintoshes of many aeons past.
9. Replacing the above with shoddy Macintoshes of slightly fewer aeons past.
10. Devising amazingly inefficient, stupid, backwards, and plain boring curricula.
11. Allowing racism to rear its ugly amalgamation of head and ass.
12. Sacrificing tender young infants at midnight under the full moon to ancient evil gods that desire nothing more than to bring agony and slaughter to our world.
13. Playing horrible and excessively loud music during snack time for the singular purpose of inducing mass stupor and brain damage.
14. Creating useless daily video announcements hosted by even more useless primates.
15. Forcing physical education on its undeserving subjects, which happens to be futile as the fat, slow, or unenthusiastic merely become even more fat, slow, or unenthusiastic.
16. Not being able to make a website that doesn't suck.
17. Retaining ringworm-infested wrestling mats used by ringworm-infested dipshits that should've been incinerated long ago to prevent contagion.
18. Sending out top officials of aforementioned Anorexic Skank Brigade to survey people who do not want to be surveyed when up to 2732 other people could have been surveyed instead.
19. Having an excuse for an Alma Mater worthy of being declared Shittiest Attempt At Poetry of the Geological Era.
20. Countless other heinous sins and transgressions against fundamental human rights.
The only thing Trabuco Hills High School needs is a front gate built of corpses with the words carved into it: "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here."
