Tuomas Holopainen

What is Tuomas Holopainen?


1.

The creator of all things dark and beautiful. Residing in the pristine forests of Kitee in Karelia, Finland, Tuomas Holopainen is said to often dress in white and search the sea, as he always wished to be one with the waves. His followers are members of an occult... cult, known to them alone as Nightwish. Heretics are punished by exclusion (see Tarja Turunen). As the cult's primal and undivided divinity, Tuomas' hieratic name is Ocean Soul. His prophet, the Kinslayer, currently roams the world under the name Marco Hietala. The cult only has one tremedous transcendent mystery, the Dark Passion Play, during which the high priest (Wishmaster) and the prophet are slaying a dreamer in Ocean Soul's name.

Though dark and gory, the cult is a jolly and permissive one, only being known to condemn one sin: diva behavior.

To attract Ocean soul's benevolence, devotees must make offerings of little ducks and Disney paraphernalia.

Every Finnish believer's welcoming message on their Nokia phone is "Holy Holopainen".

At concerts, devotees profess their faith by screaming: "Oh my God, Tuomas!" When used as a mantra,the pronunciation of Tuomas Holopainen's name causes long-lasting samadhi.

See wishmaster, once


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