What is Use The Phone?
1.
euphamism for needing to take an immediate, emergency-level
Originated from an incident where a very distant acquaintance went to a friend's brand new house (they had just moved in,) took their portable house telephone, and christened their basement bathroom by taking a long and very stinky shit while making several long-distance phone calls.
Person1:
Dude ! Pull over, I need to use the phone!
Person2:
Dude ! We're almost there! Just hold it for half an hour and we'll be at Jake's house. You can make your phone call there.
Person1:
Dude ! This is gonna be long-distance! Pull Over NOW!
<20 minutes later Person2 emerges from the first toilet to be found on the side of the road>
Person2:
Dude . Hope the nexttool passing through doesn't needTP .
Person1:
Dude ?! <shakes head with disgust and pulls back onto the road>
See
