What is Yong Jie?
1.
Yong Jie used to be a high vulgar phrase known in the city of Singapore. It has derived from the Navajo word which means gonorrhea, and also evolved from the Hokkien phrase for "fucked up child". However, due to the frequent use of "Yong Jie" by many teenagers today, this phrase has become a common phrase in Singlish to use to describe nearly everything, be it good or bad. The more common uses of Yong Jie are as follow:
1. A highly philosophical person who is very versed in the cultivation of the arts, but unfortunately is only fairly good in the sciences.
2. A RVD fan.
3. A mushroom.
4. A dumb Liverpool fan.
5. A counterfeit Catholic.
6. A liar who succumbs to sexual temptations very easily.
7. An inconspicuous perv.
8. A loser brawler who thinks he fights like R-V-D, and has ruffled a few feathers because of this trait.
9. A fucked up child whose parents do not even want to acknowledge.
10. Something you get if you have unsafe sex.
11. A ravishing teenager who is so arrogant he thinks he shouldn't model for companies he believes will smear his reputation.
12. Keane fanboy.
13. A joke critic.
14. A teenager who used to love Pokemon, but can never pronounce their names.
15. An egomaniac with perfect facial and bodily features who is unforgiving to we commoners with some unpleasant looks.
16. Annoying prank caller.
17. A crybaby
18. A gay who admires aging Chinese singers.
1. That Yong Jie did a Powerpoint presentation on the Chemistry of Love, but he touched only on a smattering of the related chemistry.
2. Yong Jie: R-V-D! R-V-D! R-V-D! Fuck, RVD took marijuana with Sabu? Never mind, he is still a good role model for all children. R-V-D! R-V-D! R-V-D! *two thumbs raised above his shoulders, pointing to his mushroom head*
3. Yong Jie: HEHEHEHE CHUAN XIN CURLY PUBIC HAIR. MY HAIR BETTER THAN YOU LA. THAT'S WHY SO-SO-SO-SO*ehem* LIKES ME.
4. Yong Jie: Eh fuck Liverpool not lousy okay, although I have to restart almost every Football Manager because Liverpool always falls 3 goals behind.
5. Fabian: Jesus is tired of all the evil deeds of human despite his very own sacrifice. So one day, Jesus got angry, broke the crucifix he was on and screamed, "FUCK YOUR SINS!"
Yong Jie: HAHAHAHAAH THAT'S REALLY FUNNY.
Don: You sit there and you thump your Bible, and say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16 ... Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!
Yong Jie: HAHAHAHAAHHAA STOP IT YOU ARE MAKING ME LAUGH AND PEE ON MY PAJAMAS.
6. Yong Jie: Eh Charlie, I have a strong will. If there's a woman I have a sudden crush on, I will do my utmost to force her out of my heart and forget about her. I just will not have any relationship during my schooling years.
*Yong Jie turns around, sees a pretty girl*
Yong Jie: Hey, is that a PE teacher? *blushes crimson red* Wahhh ... *totally smitten* Damn hot ... sia. *mouth gapes wide*
7. Yong Jie: Eh, I had a crush on Torrie Wilson when I was young. I didn't want my dad to catch me on the act, you know. So I had to search Google Images with Safesearch turned on for 26 pages before I got her Playboy centerfolds.
8. Yong Jie: I am Mr. Monday Night, I am R-V-D. HWWWARRRRGGGHHHH! ZHAM ZHAM ZHAM! I DON'T CARE YOU DIE. QUICK ZHAM HIS LAN JIAO. TAKE OFF HIS PANTS. *rushes in to bond Chuan Han*
*Everyone turns on Yong Jie and bonds him*
Yong Jie: HELP! HELP! HELP! WE ARE ALLIES, CHUAN HAN! HELP ME CHUAN HAN DON'T BEAT ME. I DIDN'T HIT YOUR DICK JUST NOW. I HELPED YOU PUSHED JUNJIE AWAY. HELP! HELP!
9. *A toddler as ugly as a human can be poops on the floor*
Mommy: EH PU BO KIA CAN DUN SHIT ON THE FLOOR? *mutters* I wonder why I didn't abort this Yong Jie.
10. That pregnant teenager, who has gonorrhea, gave birth to a Yong Jie. She called it Gonorrhea due to her postnatal blues, to sow her despair upon the baby and get back at her boyfriend who left her.
11. Little girl: Hey honey, do you want to model for the famous XYZ Pte. Ltd?
Yong Jie: Fuck, don't scam me. I am too handsome to appear on your ulu commercials and magazines.
12. Yong Jie: *croons* Everybody's changing and I don't know why ...
Chu Ming: Eh shut up lah Yong Jie before I break your neck. Anyway, do you know that the Keane percussionist Richard Hughes uses 4 squares of paper when he shits?
Yong Jie: Yeah la Chu Ming. Go tell people fun facts la.
13. Peter: What do you call a place hamsters live in? HAMSTERDAM! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yong Jie: Cheebye, what kind of joke is that? Jian Liang's "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road" joke is still the best.
14. Timothy: OH MY GOD! MY GEORGE IS EVOLVING INTO A GRAVELER.
Meng: Fuck la, it's Geodude. GEO-DUDE. Don't be a Yong Jie.
15. Smith: HEHEHEHE YOU BIG NOSE. HEEHEHEHEH YOU CURLY. HEHEHEHEHE YOU DINOSAUR FACE. Wah lao you so ugly who want to marry you.
Quincy: Eh, stop being such a Yong Jie.
16. Tracey: Hello, is this Hilton Hotel? I am Tracey and I am the songwriter for my band. We will like to perform for next Monday's wedding, will that be fine? Great. I propose that you record the song which will be played in a few seconds and send it to the bride and the groom asap. Okay, are you ready to record? Good. 1 ... 2 ... 3. *starts his gangster rap* Zhup eh kan tong jit ki dian, buay xin ke hai tong kup bo. I love you baby baby, I love you baby baby.
17. Corey: *zhams Yong Jie's lan jiao*
Yong Jie: *sobs loudly and writhes in agony*
Corey: Oh my god, Yong Jie I am sorry. I accidentally hit it so hard. Don't cry. I give you WWE cards, please don't cry.
18. Bryan: BRAD PITT IS HOT OKAY.
Yong Jie: NO WHAT THE FUCK YOU GAY. ANDY LAU IS MUCH MORE SEXY.
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