What is Zero Time?
1.
After being caught masturbating, 'zero time' is the fraction of a second during which a person may simultaniously wipe themselves off, pull up and fasten their pants, reach for the TV remote and change the channel. Usually they end up holding their dick staring at their mother (who pretends not to notice, natch) whilst some hiseously graphics 'erotic' video plays at full volume in the background. As time always seems to just stop at the moment said parent's eyes meet aforementioned masturbator's, this period of time can also be 'zero time'.
"Well, my mum caught me slap-boxing the one-eyed champ last night, and during the zero time, I let out a huge fart."
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A trichophile is someone who is obsessed with or sexually attracted to hair.
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