What is Birmingham Southern College?
1.
WHAT SAMFORD WISHES THEY WERE.
Beautiful, calm place where students are really smart and work hard for what they get.
But it's true -- they have a lot of money.
No, but really. A lot.
But it's cool. They're great people and know how to PARTY HARD! After a week of working their butts off, I'd say they deserve it.
Definitely the BEST SCHOOL IN THE STATE OF ALABAMA.
Unlike Samford. Where I go. BOO!
SAMFORD KID: I HATE BIRMINGHAM SOUTHERN COLLEGE! THEY'RE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES.
UAB KID: BITCH! DON'T BE HATIN' JUST CAUSE YOUR ASS WASN'T ACCEPTED!
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2.
The Harvard of the South.
Liberal Arts School where you pay out the ass to get an education that will put you equal with your parents, who have to make at least $150,000 a year.
A school where you see at least fifty iPhones every day. The losers have BlackBerrys.
And no one in hell would ever have a RAZR.
Polos
Forget the GAP.
A school where the students work really hard but gossip and party harder.
Nickname: Hilltop High.
Get ready to hear your name mentioned in conversations about what you did when you were drunk.
IN A NUTSHELL: If you're poor, get ready to feel out of place.
And if you are, you better be REALLY smart to make up for it.
GIRL1: OMG! I love that FENDI bag.
GIRL2: SO LAST SEASON. Ugh. I can't believe that bitch has the audacity. She's obviously not from Birmingham Southern College.
GIRL1: Damn. Moving on...Are you still dating the lacrosse captain?
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3.
Birmingham Southern College, or BSC, is a private, four-year liberal arts college in Birmingham, Alabama. It is in the top tier of liberal arts colleges in the nation and it is also the #1 college in the state of Alabama. If you think this sounds good, try reading the last word of the previous sentence again. BSC is also known as Boringham Shitty College, Hilltop High School, Mini Harvard on the Hilltop, and the Bubble. BSC is basically full of pampered Brookies and ex boarding school students who can’t wait to get back in that environment. Out of about 1300 students, 97% are Greek and the other 3% qualify for handicapped parking spaces and/or free lunches.
All of the hot girls went to Ole Miss and some went to UA, but here’s what you get:
AOPis - beauty queen social climbers
Chi Os - pretentious, bitchy girls who have some "important cause" they are always whining or blogging about
Kappa Delta - Extroverted girls who look down on anyone without a trust fund. Note: when they're drunk...they don't care!
Zetas - BSC’s resident ugly sluts who live for drama, "lucky" for us, they know their place and will do some pretty kinky stuff for male attention
Pi Beta Phi - Emos and stragglers. For $60,000: are they even girls?
If you are a guy at BSC you face some slim pickings when it comes to hook ups, especially since most girls want an MRS even more so than a BFA (hello, future Vestavia Hills housewife!) However, your chances increase exponentially if you have a cool car, fake rolex, a drug supply, and belong to one of these frats:
Theta Chi - Can’t play for Alabama? You’ve got daddy’s money, so who cares? Paintball, Ultimate Frisbee and mini golf for everyone in this sports frat, where the sportiest it gets is beer pong!
ATO - Think Delta frat, but "sexually suspect." Known for throwing kick ass parties for hos. Girls go here because they know they won’t get hit on every six seconds. Little do they realize they wouldn’t get hit on anyway.
Sigma Chi - The smug bastard frat. Think of the most stereotypical, douchey frat boy you can, stick “class president” on his suit and “kiss the cook” on his grill apron, and you have a sigma.
Sigma Alpha Epsilon - Same Assholes Everywhere. Same douchiness found in Sigma Chi, but with a “Southern Gentleman” veneer to make up for other, uh, shortcomings.
If you go to BSC, remember your three R's: never turn RIGHT after leaving school because that goes into the ghetto, save the ROOFIES for Samford and UA since all the chicks here are more or less easy because they have to be, and forget your RITHMETIC because all the tests are multiple choice anyway.
Jethro Jimmy-O Jackass II: Hey look Thurston we like got into Birmingham Southern College
Thurston Asshat Rimjobber III: Yeah I know but I like really wanted to go to Harvard
6 months later
Jethro: Where you been Thurston
Thurston: I had to go to UAB, BSC was like way too hard
John: Hi baby, I have two cars and three houses and I know the president of the school so I am going here for free
Random ugly a$$ bitch: UH, you did know we go to a school where everyone knows everything about everyone, and you can’t make too much up, right? You're a poli sci major, you work two jobs and the army is helping pay for your school. You're not in a frat and you don't have a state county named after you, so piss off.
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