What is Conolly?
1.
Conolly, simply stated, is one of the dirtiest, filthiest and creepiest human beings ever to be shat out of a female human being's womb. His natural habitat is unknown to many, as he has many fake abodes, two of which are known to man: 1) A-Block in the fair grounds of Bally Boys Campus, and 2) above Vintage Cellars in Harbord. However, these should not be regarded as his true dwellings. If they were, he would not be the creature that he is today.
He is most infamously known as the Biology teacher for Year 12 classes at Bally Boys. After incredibly insightful interviews and in-depth research undertaken by Mr. Paul 'Sparta' Barta MD, PhD, PhDSCPF (a PhD majoring in the Slaughter of Countless Persian Fucks) has narrowed down the opinions of what the Bally Boys community think of him. The most popular words to describe him are as follows: Dropkick; Loser; Degenerate; Oge; Creepy; Pedophile; Bucket of Yuck; Pii good teacher.
Conolly is famously known for a countless number of hilarious but disturbingly strange phenomena. Most famous include: playing with his belly-button with his shirt half-raised and not realizing the entire class is staring and thinking "What the fuck!"; freezing mid sentence to stare at a fixed point at the back of the classroom and taking an average of 7 minutes to rub his pinky finger on his right-hand up and down; gyrating against the edge of the workbench as he "helps" a student understand a foggy concept; and making a "I solemnly swear to not swear in Mr Conolly's class" contract.
Drawing your attention to the last phenomenon, not one student in the class signed it. The majority of students scrunched it up instantly and threw it at the bin. Ten percent merely left it there and laughed to themselves as they read it. Ninety percent were encouraged to swear even more.
Mr. Peter Stephens, infamous Danga and Captain of Bally Boys, didn't even pay attention to a single word that Conolly said about swearing (NB: Conolly spent that entire 50 minute class lecturing about not swearing). Mr. Stephens was engrossed in drawing large penises throughout his book, and at the end of the class, he looked up, and noticing that everyone had left, said in a bewildered tone, "Where the fuck is everybody?!"--to which his desk-mates 'Aw Shot M' and Paul 'Oh Puh Kick' burst out laughing.
Probably what contributes to his attributes is his loneliness. He says that he has a "girlfriend" but many Bally Boys simply believe he is referring to his blow-up doll at home; or perhaps that time he had sex with a one-armed hooker named Steve... and refused to let go.
Finally, to hide this fragile and disturbing facade, he rides a motorbike. However, many frown upon this and think to themselves "Who are you kidding?"
Conolly: Now fellas, the phloem is the part inside the plant that transports-- *freezes, stares at fixed point at back of classroom and rubs pinky finger up and down*.
Conolly: No, I'm saying in my classroom you shouldn't swear, I don't like it, it's rude, and it hurts me. *Bell rings* OK fellas, off you go. *Walks over to Paul, Peter and M's desk*. How you finding the classes boys?
Paul and M:...
Peter is too busy drawing dicks in his notebook.
Conolly: Now I hope you took in some of what I was telling you about swearing. Did you sign your contracts? *starts gyrating against desk*
*Peter looks up*
Peter: Where the fuck is everybody?!
Conolly (in a shocked tone): OH PETER!
*Conolly walks over to Licks' table* In the center of the table is a mosaic of human cocks, masterfully drawn by Licks himself.
Conolly: Felix, what is that?
Felix: It's dicks sir, what does it look like? I thought you out of all people would recognize it.
Conolly: Clean it up, now!
*Turning to Peter*
Conolly: Peter, you're supposed to be setting the example as school captain. Everyone looks at you and copies what you do!
Peter: Aww Pii drew something. Pii sitting at that table, you fucking loser!
See
