What is Guy Fieri?
1.
The biggest loser I've ever seen in my life. Guy Fieri runs amok on the Food Network and is the physical embodiment of the midlife crisis. He is the host of Guy's Big Bite, Guy off the Hook, and Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives.
This man wants you to know he is COOL. If his spiked blond hair and excess amount of bling doesn't give away his sexual orientation, then surely his numerous piercings and dice tattoo reveal all. He is a master at creating culinary catastrophes, so severe and so un-agreeable with the palate that one might think them a plague God withheld when liberating the Jews from Egypt. His vernacular is on par with most 6th grade thugs, and his clothing screams "tourist". More so, he insists on letting you know just how many of his friends are coming over (or rather, how many he can blow up with a tire pump) after the show to enjoy his food, when in reality the food is given to a homeless shelter, and from there to a pig farm.
I hope that this man retires to an island far away from civilization, not only for his complete incompetence in the kitchen, but for his unabashed endorsement of the grease bucket better known as TGI Fridays.
When Guy Fieri knocks on the Gates of Hell come Judgment Day may Satan embrace him with clawed hands and sharp teeth.
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2.
Guy Fieri is the host of about a half dozen shows on Food Network. This isn't even his birth name. He was born Guy Ferry (not even joking) and subsequently changed his name, no doubt because of the ridicule he deservingly recieved while growing up. He is the embodiment of douchebag. This poor excuse for a man dons bleach blonde hair, some ridiculous facial hair growth, sweat bands on his ams, earrings, sun glasses on the back of his head, and a bunch of other assorted jewelery. There is no bigger tool living or deceased.
Guy Fieri makes my stomoch turn. Why the hell did Food network give that dip shit so many shows?
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