What is Launceston?
1.
Launceston is a town in Tasmania.Tasmania is a small state of Australia that is an Island on the east side of the country.
Launceston is often referred to as‘Lonnie’or ‘l’ton'.
If you live in the town…you hate it and want to move as far away as possible
If you don’t live in the town…you hate and never go their.NEVER.
In this town everyone knows, heard or seen everybody else…and is usually their cousin… sometimes this is due to inbreeding.
People of the this town should be avoided at all times but in particular on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights when many locals engage in drinking and drug taking.
You will be able to identify the locals at pubs and on the street due to their holding of a ‘Boags’ can or bottle or sneaking a swig of the ‘goon’ bag and picking a fight.
Also, avoid the Mall. During the day you will be beaten up by young children wearing bandannas. During the night you will be harassed be christens bribing you with coffee to listen to their crap.
tourist.1. WOW! Look over there that person has 2 heads tourist.2 Thats because we are in launceston!
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2.
Not so much a place; as more of a negative state of mind.
It is situated in the northern part of Tasmania, which is an Island on the southern part of Australia. Launceston is a complete shit hole and in light of this you should never go there. Ever. Being there for more than a few minutes generally results in the loss of the will to live.
If you do get banished to this awful place, be sure to avoid the Brisbane Street Mall at any cost. The rest of Brisbane Street to the east of the Mall is okay. You should only go to the west of side of Brisbane Street past the Mall if you want to see a film or buy KFC.
Due to the largely inbred population of Launceston, and indeed, Tasmania, nice places in Launceston are rare. One such exception is George Street, which is generally bogan-free and is filled with some of the more upper-class shops such as The Mac Shop (the closest thing Launceston has to an Apple Store). Another nice place to be is Civic Square, which has some nice grassy bits and fountains and is near a nice big clock.
Geeks often find a home within the Library or EB Games or Play By Wire or the Museum.
If you want to buy a sword to fight off the locals, you would be advised to visit Dark Ages Emporium, as they have a large range of quality swords and other weapons.
Some of Launceston's parks are quite nice, such as Princes Square, which is filled with trees, grass, seats. a fountain/pond with fish, and some lovely homeless people and junkies. Another nice park is City Park, as it has monkeys.
To cap it off Launceston is officially the boredom AND bogan capital of the world.
All in all you would be best advised never to come anywhere near Launceston. Ever.
Launceston is a hole.
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3.
The colon of planet earth. The place where you get summer, spring, autumn and winter twice in the space of 2 hours. Launceston pwns Hobart.
Terrorist 1: hey let's go and blow up launceston!
Terrorist 2: what? where the fuck is launceston?
4.
Launceston is very persuasive and alluring city in Tasmania, and island state of Australia.
Within one week you'll have a side fringe
Within two you'll develop skinny-leg jeans
Within three you'll be a fully fledged scene kid
On your fourth you'll be hanging around outside Coffee Republic smoking, all day.
It's also really cold
"Du', wna cm ta Moys"? translation: Dude, do you want to come to Mortys
"Cbf" (flicks fringe)
"Omg i hate launceston" (will never leave)
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5.
Living in Launceston makes me want to commit suicide.
It's the bogan, redneck and boredom capital of Australia.
Person 1: Launceston is a fucking shithole.
Person 2: I want to fucking leave but I have no money to move to the mainland.
Person 1: Lets just kill ourselves instead.
Person 2: But the locals will try and eat us.
Person 1: Ok fine how about you kill yourself and I have you for dinner?
Person 2: Fine.
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