Lincoln Nebraska

What is Lincoln Nebraska?


The little-known capital city of Nebraska. Contrary to popular belief, nobody rides cows or tractors to school. Although most of Nebraska is farming community, Lincoln and Omaha are not.

Most people in Lincoln are friendly. It's a great place to raise kids, they say. Shootings, stabbings, drugs, raves, and date rape all happen here, just like in any other place. The teenagers here dress the same as they do all over America. They talk about the same things, generally. They eat from the same fast-food chains. Music ranges from the popular music, such as on MTV, to country, to screamo, to gospel. Anything, really.

We are not a bunch of hicks, but there are some distinctly hick-like behaviors. In order to be considered wholesome and well-rounded, you must attend some sort of church. Generally, people are expected to attend St. Peters Catholic Church or the Lincoln Berean Church. There are other smaller churches. But if your family doesn't belong to a church, people may wonder about you.

The public schools here are heavily Christian. You may be required to sing Christian songs at school, or listen to missionaries. You may, at the Grande Movie Theater, by screamed at by a man waving a cross. He is known here as "Cross Guy". Nobody knows what his actual name is.

Also, to be considered wholesome, if you are a boy, you must get some sort of twisted pleasure out of hunting. Deer hunting, bird hunting, and squirrel hunting are all popular. If you don't hunt, other boys will think you're some sort of hippie freak who wants to join Greenpeace. I would know.

Our city was featured in the movie "Yes, Man", which was a surprise and delight to many of us. People cheered in the theater. It was a big moment for us.

Lincoln Nebraska? You mean, like, people actually live in Nebraska and there aren't indians running around and stuff?

See nebraska, hicks, rednecks, hunting, corn


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