Longford

What is Longford?


1.

Even place

Good Stuff

See Jake

2.

Longford, the coolest last name which any family could possess. They are kind hearted and have a good spirit about them. DO NOT TRUST THEM!!

Tegan: Hey, did u see that Longford over there?

Ashleigh: yeah they are mighty fine specamins! i would totally tap them up the ass with a stick!

Tegan: oh i meant that ugly longford person over there..

Ashleigh: so they have a great toosh and big cans ;)

See hot, sex on legs

3.

An absolute shitehole of a place located somewhere between the villages of Arse-End and Of-Nowhere on Irelands lush central plain. The poorer cousin of its sister towns of Athlone and Mullingar, Longford is stuck in a time warp somewhere between the dark ages and 1989.

Activities on offer in Longford include:

-Living in a council house,

-Being a dole-scrounger,

-Having five kids when you're only sixteen,

-Wearing tracksuits if you're male and hoop earrings if you're female,

-Using the words "bure" and "sham" ad-nauseum,

-Being from Longford.

Places of interest in the town are:

-The dole office,

-erm...........the dole office....?

Characters of interest in the town include:

-Writer Oliver Goldsmith who lived near the town for a period some years ago,

-The entire staff of the dole office,

-That bure from Teffia Park who gave her sister a hidin' cos she caught her shiftin' this other one behind PVs last Saturday night and no one in her family's gonna be a fuckin' dyke.

If you would like to visit Longford, then I can only urge you to seek urgent psychiatric assessment.

Pavee 1: Sell many gates in Longford today?

Pavee 2: Ya must be fuckin' jokin'. I wouldn't go near that fuckin' shithole. Sure they'd fuckin' fleece the gates and kneecap ya in that kip.

Pavee 1: But...we live in Longford.

Pavee 2: Oh yeah....let's go and kneecap someone for the craic.

Pavee 1: Nah, I'm due down the dole office. Cunts are threatenin' to cut me benefits.

Pavee 2: Shower o' crawlin' bastards. Let's kneecap them.

Pavee 1: Fair enough.

See town, irish, kip, tinker


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