What is Marketing?
1.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition
See Above for the example
2.
Origin unknown. Purpose unknown. States the obvious, accepts all credit, rejects all blame.
An increasingly common plague found in the work place which causes annoyance and despair in other co-workers. Thrives on board-meetings, dependent on company mobile phones, Outlook, and a considerable yearly budget with no questions asked on how its gets pissed up the wall on nothing. Able to speak but prefers to do any communication through email which is the sole purpose of computers.
Uses any opportunity to voice their opinions and set policy on matters which are none of their concern and to which they have knowledge of. Usually the bane of any Web-Developers existence.
Able to plan projects perfectly without any of the minor concerns such as development or implementation.
Curiously, all Marketing plague-people start as a Manager. There is no lower position available although there is never actually anyone to manage.
see above for example. Be wary of any person who says they are "Marketing". Lose all hope when dealing with a "Marketing Consultant".
See
3.
Bull Shit with fine print.
(XYZ printer): Prints at 80 pages per minute! (The fine print: 80 pages per minute is achieved by placing one letter 'A' at 12 pitch type, in the middle of the page)
In marketing, there is no such thing as a 'lie', only exaggerations!
See
4.
A career in which people (normally men who have an issue with their sexuality and drive Mopeds) state the obvious and get paid a lot of money for it. They normally have catchy initials like AA or RR and spend a lot of time getting their signature to look important
Anyone wearing a pink shirt on a regular basis and working in Hammersmith.
See
5.
An industry full of individuals who are a waste of space and do not understand how to design ANYTHING for the internet.
See also: Advertisers
John: Hi Steve, can you build this site we've designed.
Steve: No Steve, your design is fucking retarded and does not work for the internet. Idiot marketing department.
John: Hi Steve, why does my page not view correctly in Internet Explorer 5.0 on a Mac?
Steve: Because you're a) running a mac, b) viewing it in Internet Explorer, which is a 5 year old browser. You marketing people are dickheads.
See
