What is Selinsgrove?
1.
The hub of the rural Central Susquehanna Valley, the word "urban" doesn't really describe Selinsgrove. Famous for BJ's steak and ribs, the Strip, and the occasional flood, this town is the place to go for a Sheetz run, your Wal-mart needs, or a Rita's fix. Also known as the home of "those damn college kids" and the epicenter of disillusionment with the assurances that someday, the bypass will be built. Locals tend to complain about traffic on the strip, and to like country music.
Selinsgrove needs a Target.
2.
A small-minded town in central PA in which almost everyone inhabiting it is either obese, ugly, old, unintelligent, inbred or all of the above. Favorite hobbies among Selinsgrove citizens include "goin' to da races", possum bashing, "gitting 'r done" and achieving nothing in life besides creating the world's largest banana split. The town is also home to Susquehanna University, a school in which the majority of students are spoiled brats from New Jersey that want nothing more out of their college experience but several consecutive nights of inebriation at Bodt's bar and the opportunity to show off their brand new BMW that mommy and daddy bought them as a graduation present. Selinsgrove likes to pride itself on being "a nice place to live", however, upon spending even 15 minutes in the town, any intelligent person can conclude that that statement is blatantly false.
Bobby Jo: "Hey dere, yins wanna go down to da races lader tonite? Den after maybe get real trashed at Bodt's and have sex wif my sister?"
Charlie: "No thanks, I'm not from Selinsgrove."
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3.
Also known as a shithole.. Selinsgrove is full of douchebags who think that because there is a large amount of Arab doctors that live in the outskirts, they are all awesome and rich. Kept open by the thousands of obese people, the fast food joints on The Strip are the main point of entertainment for these people. The high school smells of cow shit and grease, thanks to the students walking in it. The sports teams in this school district usually have decent records, but it has been discovered that if a student (or adult, as majority of the "players" are) plays a sport here, particuarly football, the distrct will buy their family a large cow to get their daily dosage of milk and meat from. Other than the fast food places, for entertainment, residents enjoy going to Selinsgrove Speedway (or Spedway, called by out of townies) to watch cars race, get drunk, get beaten by husband/wife, and then get arrested for domestic disputes.
Selinsgrove resident: Did ya heer that if we play a sport we git a cow?
Selinsgrove resident 2: Yeh, but I perfer riding my jackass to the Selinsgrove Speedway.
Selinsgrove resident 3: Meebe I will join the basketball team and contribute to another losing season.
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