What is Switalian?
1.
A person from the canton of Ticino, the Italian speaking, southernmost canton of Ticino. Switalians, while having Swiss citizenship, are not completely Swiss or Italian.
They have the rudeness,unfriendliness, arrogance and are as anal as the Swiss but are sleazy, thick headed and aggressive like Italians. Restaurants serve cheese fondue, pizza and pasta side by side.
Any and all Ticinese people are Switalians.
How to identify a Switalian: A person in southern Switzerland who allows you to struggle to speak to them in what little Italian you know for ten minutes, then responds in perfect English. Why? Because the only reason you don't speak fluent Italian in their mind is because you are a stupid American.
A Switalian waiter: A waiter who acts like you have down's syndrome and they hate you.
A Switalian real estate agent: A real estate agent who grudgingly answers your 30th phone call and demands a 12 month deposit for an apartment.
A Switalian store: A store that closes at 6PM every night except for weekends, when it doesn't open at all.
A Switalian cab driver: an older gentleman usually wearing an Italian suit and driving a Mercedes, BMW or Jaguar who charges you 20 CHF ($18.50) to drive you about a mile, an extra 2 CHF for driving you past 10PM and an extra 2 CHF for every piece of luggage you have.
A Switalian McDonalds: A place where a small Burger Royal (quarter pounder) Menu(meal) costs 13 CHF, no free refills, and ketchup costs .50 CHF a pack.
A Switalian cafe: A place (Argentino) where the food and service suck and Arabs go to be seen and speak a combination of French, Arabic and English in every sentence. Wow you speak 3 languages but I'm pretty sure, when combined, they are GIBBERISH!
A Switalian Movie theater: a small room with a big screen TV, half of which is taken up by the subtitles in 4 languages.
A Switalian construction worker: A man who does any thing but work and spends his day whistling and yelling at passer by. Similar to American construction workers, but with short jean shorts and bronze legs.
A Switalian black person: Someone currently at large or in jail due to recent changes in Swiss law.
Switalian weed: Leafy, stemy and stingy weed usually grown outdoors, but kosher to smoke almost anywhere.
Switalian Latina's: Non-existent.
Switalian hospitals: Places predominantly occupied by Franklin College students from Thursday to Sunday, every week.
Switalian Gangs: Groups of high school students who drive around on brightly colored scooters (bicycles with small engines) and matching clothes.
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